I murdered the dance floor call the cops
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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