I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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