Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize