Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize