Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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