morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i drank out of a bidet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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