I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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