Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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