Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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