when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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