cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize