there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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