the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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