They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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