You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize