I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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