sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize