The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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