This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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