Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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