I wish they made helmets for livers.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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