And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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