Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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