Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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