Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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