its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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