well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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