im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize