Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize