I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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