i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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