She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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