I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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