Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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