His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize