Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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