Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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