Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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