I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
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Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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