If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize