There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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