Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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