I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize