you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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