Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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