Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize