Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize