I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I see more hoeing in ur future
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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