the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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