I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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