Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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