Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize