The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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